Oh this absence. This familiar void,
where the one I love is not.
Where she is with another,
for the first time since we came together.
It's been, what, 25 years? Since the night
I cried while Susan was with him. But I
wanted so much to give her that freedom.
The symmetry and fairness and justice of it
shone like a jewel to me. If it was hard, well,
everything is hard at first. I survived,
and our love grew. Freedom
takes discipline. Climbing takes balance.
How high the cliffs of the heart!
And now you, beloved. I have climbed this route before.
It's still hard, but I move more certainly now,
know the handholds, can rejoice
that maybe I show a touch more grace.
So fly, my love, eagle who soars over
the Yosemite of my soul: I am comfortable
here on this sheer granite face.
San Jose, July 25 1998
The night 25 years earlier is described in my poem Green-Eyed Monster.