Positive things

From: JennieD-O'C
Subject: Positive things

Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?

I'll start:

The three of us are all so very different from each other, but we balance
each other out extremely well.  It's always nice to know that wherever one
of us is weak, one of the others is very likely to be strong.

---
Jennie D-O'C 
    "God has given you one face, and you make yourselves another."
                                    -- Fortune cookie, 12 February 2000


From: aahz@netcom.com (Aahz Maruch)

In article ,
JennieD-O'C wrote:
>
>Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?

Of course not, this is Usenet.

Now that I've gotten the traditional jibe out of the way, I'm not sure
how to say anything specific.  I really like having three partners that
I'm just plain comfortable with.  I guess the most important thing for
me is that I can *talk* with all of them.
--
                      --- Aahz (Copyright 2000 by aahz@netcom.com)

Androgynous poly kinky vanilla queer het    <*>     http://www.rahul.net/aahz/
Hugs and backrubs -- I break Rule 6

Why doesn't "Just Say NO" include caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, Prozac,
and Ritalin?  --Aahz


From: Carla 

Aahz Maruch wrote:
> 
> In article ,
> JennieD-O'C wrote:
> >
> >Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?

Nice thread.  Thanks, Jennie.

> I really like having three partners that
> I'm just plain comfortable with.  

I like having partners that are comfortable with each other.  I like
that they have overlapping interests and can talk to each other.  I like
that I can express my affection for both of them when we're all together
without either feeling left out.  I like it that they're both *fabulous*
cooks and they feed me :)

Cheers,
Carla
-----
http://home.earthlink.net/~sardonyx/
http://www.onelist.com/community/polychi (Chicago-area polyamory mailing
list)
http://www.onelist.com/community/cfpoly (childFREE polyamory mailing
list)


From: Ryk 

On Sun, 09 Apr 2000 15:48:26 GMT, JennieD-O'C wrote:

>Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?

Differences in upbringing create friction and growth opportunities.
More partners means way more differences.

Ryk


From: Ryk 

On Sun, 09 Apr 2000 15:48:26 GMT, 
JennieD-O'C wrote:

>Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?

Really talking about important issues can remove barriers and make
life better. This happened to me recently. I'm glad to be in
relationships where we can do that.

Ryk


From: Ryk 

On Sun, 09 Apr 2000 15:48:26 GMT, JennieD-O'C wrote:

>Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?

Did I remember to mention that this is a good idea for a thread?

The good stuff is really hard to describe, kinda ephemeral, but still
very real. The bad parts almost scream out to be described in lurid
detail, especially so if we want to ascribe blame...

I love my partners. I must love them an awful lot to stick with them
when we have conflicts. They seem to love me just as much. If poly
were not an option the three of us wouldn't be together and all three
of us might be alone.

That sounds like a really funereal statement. It is way better to be
with my partners than it would be to be without them. They make me
smile and laugh far more often than they make me cry.

Ryk


From: serenefornow@aol.com (serene      poetserene at yahoo.com)

In article , 
JennieD-O'C writes:

>Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?

Hell, yes. :-)

>I'll start:
>
>The three of us are all so very different from each other, but we balance
>each other out extremely well.  It's always nice to know that wherever one
>of us is weak, one of the others is very likely to be strong.

That's really cool, and something I find great, too, about my own
relationships. 

I also love that this achy flu I've had for the last two days, which has made
me useless at home, and which caused me to sleep through my scheduled date with
Sue last night (*whimper* and she said she was all dolled up for it, too), has
only evoked sympathy and offers of help from everyone in my life.  I'm almost
never sick (last time was Christmas of 1997), but it's nice to know that people
are here to take care of me when I need it.

You know what else?  I lovelovelove that things I see as my failings (I talk
too much, am bad with money, hate the phone, and am not especially reliable
sometimes) are things that my SOs and family members find charming and not
crazymaking (well, okay, maybe a *little* crazymaking).

And I really like that there's no longer anyone in my life who tries to bully
me into doing things I don't want to do.  I think that came about as a direct
result of my outness.   I'm out as bi and poly to everyone in my life, and
everyone, including my fundamentalist brother (and his wife, and their 6 kids 6
and under) is okay with me exactly how I am.

Thanks for asking, Jennie.

serene
-- 
Tact is after all a kind of mindreading.  Sarah Orne Jewett


From: meledy@impossiblethings.org (Meledy Elizabeth)

On Sun, 09 Apr 2000 15:48:26 GMT, JennieD-O'C wrote:

>Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?

Yup. I adore my sweeties. They're fun to spend time with, are
incredibly supportive, and are just pretty darn spiffy human beings.
And they actually are there for me to lean on in ways that don't make
me feel oogy. Plus grep-boy <*wave*> waltzes dreamily. Other than the
lack of cuddles, ldr's can be pretty cool.

Meledy
Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six 
impossible things before breakfast.- The White Queen


From: Bill Gawne 

JennieD-O'C wrote:

> Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?

Why yes, I often do.  Thanks for asking Jennie.

Let's see... regular readers know who one of my partners is.  She is
a wonderful, charming, brilliant, and compassionate woman who has
enriched my life beyond measure in the time I've known her.  I look
forward to sharing all the years to come with her.

There is also my wife of 27+ years, who lurks here occassionally, and
who has put up with me through bad times and good.  She is the mother
of my two beautiful daughters, a very good cook, pleasant company at
the end of the day or on a long drive, and much more besides.  I look 
forward to sharing all the years we have left together.

My other dears would rather that my involvement with them stay off
the skyline.  Suffice to say that the two I mention above know about
them and I'm happy to have all this love and goodness in my life.

-Bill


From: gwynyth@polyamory.org (Gwynyth)

JennieD-O'C wrote:

> Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?

As already mentioned, good thread :)

I love my SO :) 

He's been putting up with my being a little hedgehog of stress for the
past few weeks, and has been amazingly supportive. He's seduced me
(phone sex, but phone-backrubs just don't do as much good) when I needed
it (over my somewhat protests), and has been firmly told that he should
feel free to do that again. 

I'm almostalmostalmost done with the semester - just about 4 more things
to finish, and they're getting easier. 

Gwynyth, giving thanks to Pamela for writing things which provoked
annotations, as it got me through the mind-block I was having on one of
said assignments. [1]

[1] The assignment was for my 'Reference sources in the humanities'
class, and involved writing up 20 reference questions in a humanities
subject (in this case, literature) and then to give at least one place
(web or paper) that one can find the answer. 

My list is .. eclectic, to say the least, and does include a question
about poly-friendly literature, but I'd gone mind-blank on the last few
questions, until I hunted up the Annotated Dean page and found all sorts
of fun stuff. 


From: stef@baygate.bayarea.net (Stef Maruch)

JennieD-O'C   wrote:
>Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?

After years of having unbalanced relationships, where one person seemed
to do all the work or always be the caretaker, now all my relationships
are well balanced. We all sometimes take the helper role and sometimes
the "help me" role. And a lot of the time we interact as equals.

All my sweeties have portions of their personalities that are a mystery
to me -- "why do they think/do that?" That makes relationships sometimes
frustrating and sometimes fascinating. I consider that a good thing,
because I get bored when there is no mystery. And my sweeties are that
rare combination of mysterious and respect-worthy. We struggle with
irrational or difficult feelings/behavior, but we are all dedicated to
taking responsibility for ourselves. None of us hangs out in "the
victim" mentality for very long. 

Oh, all my sweeties are just as fiercely loyal as I am (if not more so). 
In this world, that's a rare thing indeed, and something I value greatly.
-- 
Stef  **  rational/scientific/philosophical/mystical/magical/kitty **
      **  stef@cat-and-dragon.com <*> http://www.cat-and-dragon.com/~stef **
          - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
My subconscious mind knows better what I want in a relationship than my
conscious, rational mind does.  The last time I asked it to tell me what
would be an ideal partner for me, it answered "a panther." Well, finding
people who are panthers is interesting. People have a lot of ways of
being panthers, and they can't be quantified. I had to keep my eyes and
ears open to find them. And keeping myself open kept me from being
cynical. -- SFJ


From: kshandra@mindspring.com (Kirsten M. Berry)



JennieD-O'C looked up from the want-ads, turned to me and said:

}Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?

How 'bout something good about my relationships that was said to me?

The DH, the OSO and I went and saw Fantasia 2000 last month with some
friends.  One of the people who went with us told me a couple of
nights ago that it was "an absolute joy" to go to dinner with us
beforehand...that the three of us seemed very well connected.

This is quite possibly the nicest thing anyone has *ever* said to me.

--
Kirsten M. Berry -- kshandra@mindspring.com -- K`shandra on IRC
              http://www.mindspring.com/~kshandra/    
"Expect the best.  Expect the worst.  Expect a f*cking miracle.
 It's always Anything Can Happen Day."      -Pamela Des Barres


From: darkhawk@mindspring.com (Heather Anne Nicoll)

JennieD-O'C wrote:
> Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?

With anyone in particular?

The partner is a joy and a delight to love, to live with, and he moved
out eight boxes and two crates of books from the apartment to put them
in storage in prep for the move, which means we's down to eighteen
shelves (some double-stacked), nine crates, and two large stacks of
books to move out.  And the furniture, and the stuff.  And I have to do
his taxes (which I offered to do when he was having a freak-out attack).

The TOCOTOX has admitted to having free days in his schedule to have
dinner, which leads me to hope that he will become less CO in the
forseeable future, provided I remember to sacrifice the goat to the Gods
of Noncommunicative Shy People.

The cats are warm and furry.  And friendly, and shed, though at least
Arthur isn't asleep on my embroidery project today.

The ongoing NRE with the Boston Red Sox has managed to infect the
partner, who was helping me shout and cheer for today's win.

My beloved little brother who is no relation to me may be moving up to
Boston and renting a room from the partner and myself in the new house,
which, if it works out, will lead to the entire house being wired for
sound and computers within six months.

My kid brother (actually related to me, named James, not the James who
posts here) performed in Florida recently, and got a college
scholarship.  I'm proud of him.

My father and I may be working on a book together.

I'd like to recultivate my relationship with my Muse, but she's sulking.

--
Heather Nicoll - Darkhawk - http://aelfhame.dslonramp.net/~darkhawk/
               Del estupendo grito, de la tristeza loca, serena - 
          Como la rabia de amar, alegría, como un asalto de felicidad.
                         - Cirque Du Soleil, "Alegría"


From: fairest one 

On Sun, 09 Apr 2000 15:48:26 GMT, JennieD-O'C warbled:
: Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?

i think ryk got it right-- it's so easy to be eloquent about the bad
stuff, because i spend so much time obsessing about it that i manage to
wear down the stuff in my head to the words underneath it. but talking 
about the good stuff is just as important, if not more so.

both of my sweeties make me laugh, without even seeming to try to. the one
i live with realizes that we're almost out of diet coke before i do, and
makes arrangements to get more. (no, this is *really* important! trust
me! :) he also extends that to a lot of things that i'm sure i don't even
realize. the one i don't live with makes an effort that is even visible to
me (and i'm not always good about seeing these things) to keep in touch
with me, and to stay connected. so they both (in their own ways) make me
feel very cared for. 

now i must go off and dance the happy betsy dance for a while, i think,
and work on what i'm supposed* to be doing on this computer instead of
reading news...

b,
lucky girl.
-- 
"you know, hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket-ship underpants
don't help." --calvin                         (kallisti@tiny.net)


From: RJ 

On Mon, 10 Apr 2000, fairest one wrote:

}On Sun, 09 Apr 2000 15:48:26 GMT, JennieD-O'C warbled:
}: Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?
}
}i think ryk got it right-- it's so easy to be eloquent about the bad
}stuff, because i spend so much time obsessing about it that i manage to
}wear down the stuff in my head to the words underneath it. but talking 
}about the good stuff is just as important, if not more so.

Yep.  If you don't let people know what they are doing right, how
will they know to keep doing it? :)

Cool things about my sweeties:

After 36 years of theorizing, experimenting, fscking up, theorizing
some more, lather, rinse, repeat, I have two sweeties who have given
me the chance to be the person I want to be rather than the person I
used to be (or, my personal favorite, the person other people think
I was).  Their expectations of me are positive and, as time progresses,
I am finding it easy to look back at myself over time and cherish
all the parts of my life and forgive myself my (as Henry Hyde might
put it) "youthful indiscretions."  Or as I might've put it at one
point in my life, "Being an irresponsible twit." :)

Each one encourages me and feeds my spirit in unique ways.  I am a
better person for having them in my life and I look forward to
loving them now and for the rest of my days.

RJ


From: "Freyja" 

JennieD-O'C wrote in message
news:sf19iaiocqv65@corp.supernews.com...
| Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?

My loves get along very well with each other.  We make each other laugh.
They eat my cooking.  My fiancé is a treasure beyond measure in so many
ways.  We corrupt each other.  I corrupted one OSO with "How To Irritate
People", as well as my fiancé.  They like my cats.  My cats like them.

I am even getting my fiancé to watch Law & Order!    Another convert!

We talk.  We listen.  They put up with me at my worst and love me anyway.
That is beyond wonderful.

Someday I'll figure out why I deserve them.

--
Freyja
(de-spam e-mail addy)


From: aahz@netcom.com (Aahz Maruch)

In article ,
Freyja  wrote:
>
>We talk.  We listen.  They put up with me at my worst and love me anyway.
>That is beyond wonderful.
>
>Someday I'll figure out why I deserve them.

I'll bet your partners feel the same way about you.
--
                      --- Aahz (Copyright 2000 by aahz@netcom.com)

Androgynous poly kinky vanilla queer het    <*>     http://www.rahul.net/aahz/
Hugs and backrubs -- I break Rule 6

Why doesn't "Just Say NO" include caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, Prozac,
and Ritalin?  --Aahz


From: "Freyja" 

Aahz Maruch  wrote in message
news:8crnhk$msa$1@nntp9.atl.mindspring.net...
| In article ,
| Freyja  wrote:
| >
| >We talk.  We listen.  They put up with me at my worst and love me
anyway.
| >That is beyond wonderful.
| >
| >Someday I'll figure out why I deserve them.
|
| I'll bet your partners feel the same way about you.

{blush}

Thanks.  Chris is smiling at this post.  I think he is being patient and
waiting for me to see what he's known all along.

--
Freyja
(de-spam e-mail addy)


From: "songbird" 

"JennieD-O'C" wrote in message
news:sf19iaiocqv65@corp.supernews.com...
> Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?

  after they're gone i still miss them?  they all gave me hope
and taught me a great deal.

  :)

  songbird  *peep*


From: Liz W 

Well, this seems like a nice positive thread for a newbie to
post to.  :-)

I've been lurking here for about a month, since I and my husband
of six years decided to give polyamory another try (we were both
polyamorous when we first met and continued that way for about
eighteen months, when we ran into some problems that made us
think monogamy might work better for us.  It did for a while,
but it didn't suit our personalities in the long term).

I'm really enjoying rediscovering what it feels like to be able
to express romantic love for more than one person, and I love my
husband for having the courage to suggest that we give it
another try.  I also still feel warm inside when I think of how
happy he looked at the weekend after he and his OSO finally got
to spend a night together.

I love the way renegotiating our ground rules has got us
communicating about our feelings in a positive way for the first
time in years.

I'm very much in love with my own OSO, and he's a really good
listener so I've really enjoyed telling him huge chunks of my
life story - I've been learning a lot about myself that way, too.

And I was really thrilled to find out that someone else who my
husband and have been really close to for a long time, but had
thought of more as a brother, is actually interested in both of
us romantically but hadn't said anything all these years out of
respect for our decision to be monogamous.  There's some
exciting possibilities to explore, and it's nice to have
somewhere like this to come for support and ideas...

Liz {who's posting from remarq.com for the first time, and hopes
the format comes out OK for everyone reading}

ehw at gouldens dot com


From: Ryk 

On Mon, 10 Apr 2000 20:46:10 -0400, Vicki Rosenzweig 
wrote:

>My sweetie tells me wonderful things about myself, some of which
>I have trouble believing--not because I think he's flattering me,
>but because the specific praise doesn't fit my self-image

Live with it ;-)

My sweeties are learning to point out particular features that even I
can agree with. I am learning to recognize that a little positive
delusion about me is not such a bad trait in a partner. Perhaps we
will meet in the middle....

Ryk


From: bearpaw@world.std.com (bearpaw)

JennieD-O'C writes:

>Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?

As others have said -- good thread!

There's a bunch of good things about my relationships, but right now 
the first thing that comes to mind is that I'm very appreciative of 
the fact that my primary is there for me ... *and* lets me be there 
for hir.

Bearpaw

-- 
~~~~~~~~~~~ bearpaw@aq.org ~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The future's already arrived; it's just not evenly distributed yet." 
  - William Gibson


From: cyrn@soltec.net (Natasha Wilde)

JennieD-O'C thus proclaimed before a jury
of zir peers:

>Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?

Once again, good thread!!  People deffinatly concentrate too much on
the negitave, not enough on the postive. (and this comming from a goth
;-))

My LD and I have been togather for almost a year now.  Zie continues
to open me up to new ideas and authors.  I expecialy thank zir for
Heinlein and for making me (finialy) sit down and read Pratchet.  Zie
is a wonderful comunicator, before zie came along I wasn't an open
person, zie changed all that.  Zie makes me laugh, cry and most
importanly, makes me think.  I get to see zir in nine days and
counting. ;-)

My other sweetie is just as wonderful.  I was first attracted to zir
because of zir inteligence, indipendence and zir sence of humor.
Whenever I'm in a bad mood, zie makes me smile and even laugh.  That's
something not a lot of people can do.  zie cares greatly about GLBT
awareness and rights, which has been an important thing to me for
quite a number of years.

They are both excelent cuddlers and very sensual people.  My life is
so much better with them in it.  
   em hotep
     Natasha

Can't sleep, clowns will eat me.


From: zling@my-deja.com

  Jennie D-O'C wrote:
> Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?
First may I comment that you are
brilliant to start this thread?

What's good, my sweeties are being REALLy
nice to me even though I'm not so much to them,
L is far away but earning enough money
we might be able to go on vacation this summer!
And H is being exceptionally wonderful and just
emailed me "love you, moods and all!" And since
I'm bi-polar and meds don't help.... it was
a *snif* sweet moment.
L is coming to visit next I think, but Minicon
weekend! And I am learning to cook so that
even though no more long distance will happen
once we all graduate, I'll still be able to
nourish my loves without poisoning them!
And I am treating them much better since
I realized I was treating them like shit and
got my act together cause they are WONDERFUL!!!!

Zling
babbling gibbering
and even if they aren't
lurking, I meant it!


From: LK 

On Sun, 09 Apr 2000 15:48:26 GMT, JennieD-O'C wrote:

>Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?
>
Marriage communication is getting better.  I cannot see allowing
anyone in for a long time because of the damage from secondary
relationships, and in-laws.  1999 was too long a year.

And I'm finding self-renewal in writing rather than any relationship,
so that eases the burden on the  primary relationship. 

And the little one is  toilet trained 90% of the time!

LK


From: Josh Jasper 

JennieD-O'C wrote:
> 
> Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?

I love all of my quad mates and our relationship is going well.  I 
think we've all earned how to communicate better with eachother.

-- 
I'm a Jackal on the Body Politic.
Looking for resumes in the tech sector for the SF Bay area
email polytechnical.at sign.hotbot.com include dates when you're
available



From: zofran@deepthot.org (Cheryl Martin)

JennieD-O'C said:
>Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?

Jay and I ran off to the mountains together last weekend.  We had a
wonderful time delighting in the beauty of the plae and each other.

Cheryl

-- 
%       List Mistress: Denver/Front Range Poly Group             %
%  Moderator: rec.arts.sf.tv.babylon5.moderated, soc.personals   % 
%   Grumpy Witch  http://www.geocities.com/~ayofolashade         %
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%


From: leandra333@aol.comnospam (Leandra)

>JennieD-O'C said:
>>Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?

Delurk

Lovely thread!  I just want to say that I'm fortunate to have such loving,
caring, supportive sweeties who have enriched my life.

Leandra


From: noelfigart@va.prestige.net (Noel Lynne Figart)

On Sun, 09 Apr 2000 15:48:26 GMT, JennieD-O'C wrote:

>Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?

We harmonize well enough to collaborate on artistic projects.   I call
that a plus.

Though, I find for us the tidy little domestic things are the ones I
treasure.

i.e.  To make sure all household chores are done, we have a "Sarah
List"  (Sarah is our invisible maid that never actually shows up for
work).  We all cross off daily chores in various colors of
highlighters.  Instead of fighting over chores, someone who does more
than her share is likely to be teased for hogging.  


From: "Bryan" 

Noel Lynne Figart wrote in message
<38f39fa7.31312148@news.va.prestige.net>...

[snip]
>i.e.  To make sure all household chores are done, we have a "Sarah
>List"  (Sarah is our invisible maid that never actually shows up for
>work).
[snip]
>
Clarice and Palmer haven't shown up in ages, and the list of things
for them to do just keeps getting longer. As near as we can tell, they
ran off with each other.  Oh well.

Ob thread:  We do make up stories that keep us entertained. Somebody
to talk to/with while working. I didn't have to do the income taxes.
Still do some massage trades.

Bryan


From: gwynyth@polyamory.org (Gwynyth)

JennieD-O'C wrote:

> Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?

It's not what the thread had in mind, exactly, but...

I had an asthma attack this morning - very unusual for me, particularly
the fact I actually started wheezing (something I almost *never* do, to
the point that doctors generally can't hear it with a stethoscope, even
when I'm having obvious problems). I suspect it's stress provoked, which
will get better by Monday (my last class for 4+ months). 

Anyway, needless to say, this freaked me out more than a bit. I did go
into work, but left early. 

My local-ex (who'd been online, and knew I'd had problems) called me a
little bit after I got home, to make sure I'd gotten home all right, and
that I didn't need help (I'd stopped off to get 'don't need to do much
to it' food, and such on the way home, and was about to do the 'dump all
the sheets in the washer, and hope that helps.)

But the fact he called (he'd offered online, as well) was really cool.
I'm feeling a bit better now, though still edgy (I *hate* asthma
attacks, and I hate not being able to concentrate or think due to not
breathing well) makes me feel really happy. We broke up in November,
we've been slowly doing more social things (well, except fo the fact
that school ate my life), and I'm really grateful for that, 'cause he's
a neat person, and so is his wife. And if it *does* get worse, I think
I'm beginning to feel comfortable asking them for help again. 

Gwynyth
gwynyth@polyamory.org


From: Echo 

JennieD-O'C wrote:

> Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?

I have been extreemly happy being single again but that may be because there
is new inspiration in my life. I like to write about the dark. Understanding
that is my candle.

The best part of my last relationshp was how we all seemed to share one mind.
Errily completing sentences, or thoughts for eachother, often belting out the
same bad jab at someone else. we really understood one another. BUt I have to
run, we're all getting together for a show in 5 mins. I love how we're still
good friends.

As for bad things, who was it who wrote
"I love you...
...I wish you would die
so I could write about it"

Just Plain
-Echo


From: Maggi Rohde 

Ryk wrote:
> Even when invited, we don't have nearly the creativity and depth in
> praising our partners that we do in complaining about them. Any novel
> thoughts about why that happens? Maybe it's a vulnerability thing. I
> can certainly think of positive things about my partners that I
> wouldn't share with the group. When we moan we get sympathy. What's to
> gain in this environment when we share the upside?

Yeah.  I have *plenty* of good things to say about my primary
relationship, and the person I'm in it with, but I'm afraid people would
think I was bragging.  

But... since you asked, Jennie:  *grin*

- The things I said before: 1 year anniversary, just as
happy/good/sexy.  Woo.  

- He SINGS to me.  He sings TO me.  (and plays classical guitar sooo
beautifully)  

- We are soooo alike, sometimes we say "Are you sure you're not me?" But
we're also soooo different.  It's a great combination.

- Our bodies fit really well together (not like *thaaaat*!!), to the
point of being able to fall asleep with our limbs entangled, something
neither of us could do with any of our former partners.

- We enjoy spending a *lot* of time together.  We *never* get sick of
each other (yet).  Not that we tend to get sick of our partners, but
it's nice to be on the same wavelength.

- Our (frequent) sex is *very* rewarding, enlightening and hot.  All the
time. Our kinks are very compatible.

- He likes it that I'm silly, cute, feminine, intelligent, emotional,
practical, romantic and more irresponsible than he is.  *grin*

- We love being domestic together (on our second day of
new-relationship-bliss, we went grocery shopping *grin*) and planning
domestic-type things together.

- He COOKS for me!  Really well, frequently, and *healthfully*!

- He's really good with kids.  

- He loves his family.  

- He kisses me over the phone before he hangs up, every time.  I love
that.

Okay, that's enough.  *blush*  You're right, it's difficult!

-- 

Maggi - Pagan poly bi librarian and SO in love.
Courtesy is owed, respect is earned, love is given.


From: Roger 

2nd attempt sorry if this is a duplicate

Hello Everyone,

I almost feel like I should delurk and intro myself it has been so
long since I posted...

I'll resist.

I have been managing to follow the gist of the group lately and was
happy to note the recent posts of a few other infrequent contributors.
Hello to two  North Easterners in particular. 

On Sun, 09 Apr 2000 15:48:26 GMT, JennieD-O'C wrote:

>Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?
>
Snip Jennie's concise highlight of her relationship(s).

I too want to talk about balance.  

I agree with Jennie's comments regarding  strengths offsetting
weakness in various ways.

I also want to highlight the achievement of balance in the (our)
relationship with regards to physical and emotional needs.  

We are in our 6th year together now and it took most of them to find
the balance that meets all of our needs.  Key to this was the
realization that balance does not mean equal.

This may seem obvious to some but, in our relationship which on the
surface seems so symmetrical, it was not obvious and was counter-
intuitive.  

I know that we will be refining this balance for a long time to come
but I am more confident than ever that we have the time, commitment
and wherewithal to do so.

With regards to the other aspects of our family.  Things are really
great.  It seems that we have the world by the tail and great company
to enjoy it with.
 
Warm regards to all of you,

Roger 

    **I think I may want to be an activist when I grow up, but, in the
mean time, I want to show by my actions what I believe in and
encourage others to do the same.**


From: Maggi Rohde 

Maggi Rohde wrote:
> Yeah.  I have *plenty* of good things to say about my primary
> relationship, and the person I'm in it with, but I'm afraid people would
> think I was bragging. 
> But... since you asked, Jennie:  *grin*

Hey, I realized last night as I was driving home that I totally forgot
some of the most important things:

- We *like* talking about things for hours and hours.

- He listens well when I have something to say, even difficult and
sometimes hurtful things, and tries hard to follow through, most of the
time.

- We feel strongly about commitment (and judging from his former 10 year
marriage, I trust he's pretty good at making it work).

- We like being alone with each other just as much as we like being with
groups of friends.  

- He gets all sentimental when he sees me tuning up my harp.  *grin*

Oh, and we both are nuts about Babylon 5.  It's a good bonding device.

-- 

Maggi - Pagan poly bi librarian
Courtesy is owed, respect is earned, love is given.


From: "Rivka" 

JennieD-O'C wrote in message ...

>Anyone got anything *good* to say about their relationships?

I'm going to resist the temptation to post about 15K worth of fulsome
praise for my partners, my sweeties, and the people I have hopeless
crushes on. Let it be known at the outset that they're all fabulously
wonderful. 

One good thing that happened recently is that my husband and I had our
first poly-related fight, and the roof didn't fall in. At first
glance, that might not seem like a positive thing, but I was reassured
that we were able to work things out as well as we did.

We've been poly since the beginning of our relationship, coming up on
three years now, and in all that time - through my development of a
serious relationship with Bill, and through each of us being involved
with various other sweeties/um-friends - we've never had a problem
negotiating things. It's all been almost unnaturally easy.

Last weekend he went on a date, and was half an hour late picking me
up from a place I didn't particularly want to be. He didn't call. I
was hungry and cold and progressively angrier as time went by. When he
finally showed up, his date was in the car with him, and they
explained that they were late because they had stopped for lunch and
then been caught in traffic. In my low-blood-sugared state, the lunch
seemed like the final insult.

Once we were alone, I was surprised to hear the words come out of my
mouth: "Being late in the ordinary run of things is one thing. Being
late for a commitment to me because you're screwing someone else is
something else entirely." I hadn't known that I felt so fiercely about
that.

Why is this posted to the 'Positive things' thread? Because I'm proud
of both of us for the way that we handled the fight:

(1) I didn't criticize him or vent my feelings in front of his date. I
was very clearly angry, and I know that the tension in the car as we
took her home made her uncomfortable, but I think it would have been a
*lot* worse for all three of us if she'd been there to witness the
actual fight.

(2) He consistently and non-defensively admitted that he'd messed up.
He didn't try to minimize things, or counter-complain, or shift the
focus to whether my anger was excessive. He just kept acknowledging
that he'd done something wrong and affirming his commitment to making
things right.

(3) We moved fairly quickly to coming up with a solution. I was able
to figure out what I needed, and he accepted it. ("No, there isn't
anything more that you need to say and haven't. I think I should take
the car and go get something to eat, and just be by myself until I'm
not angry anymore. I'll meet you later at X's house." "And once we get
to X's house, we're not going to snipe at each other in front of our
friends, right?" "Right. I'll stay away until I don't have the urge to
snipe." "Here's the keys.")

(4) I had a date scheduled for that evening, and neither one of us
used that to get back at the other. (I was affectionate when I left
and home when I'd said I would be, and he didn't grumble or sulk or
try to impose greater restrictions on the date.) In fact, there was no
residual fallout whatsoever.

I'm delighted to know that we can fight without undoing the trust and
communication we've established in our relationship. Of course I'd
rather we didn't fight at all, but it's good that we're capable of
working things out so well when we do.

Rivka
--
Rivka is rivka@iowacity.net and a fifth-year graduate student in
clinical psych.
"There is nothing to bring people together like a common grievance
accompanied by refreshments. " - Miss Manners