Great Poly Myths

as encountered by various posters to alt.polyamory
compiled from the thread "Great Poly Myths"
by stef@polyamory.org
The thread started on July 17, 1999.

From: RJ- 

I was inspired to write this by fairest one's posting about the
salon magazine article.  Feel free to add to it. :)

Poly people are never, ever jealous.
Poly people have (choose one) better/more/weirder/all-of-the-above
sex.
Poly people are all bisexual.
Poly people communicate better than our monogamous brothers and
sisters.
Poly people must be more outgoing than everyone else.

Have fun. :)

RJ
====================================================================
From: Carla 

> }RJ-       wrote:
> }
> }>I was inspired to write this by fairest one's posting about the
> }>salon magazine article.  Feel free to add to it. :)

Poly people all want to live in communes and raise children together.
Poly people practice tantric sex.
Poly people are all white.

Cheers,
Carla
-- 
http://home.earthlink.net/~sardonyx/
ICQ 3710678
====================================================================

From: JennieD-O'C

Carla   wrote:

>Poly people are all white.

Ooh, good one.

Poly people are all middle class or upper-middle class.

---
Jennie D-O'C 
====================================================================

From: siobhan@interlog.com (siobhan)

   People who are poly are automatically more open-minded about other
forms of "alternative" sexuality or life choices.

Siobhan

....Normal is what cuts off your sixth finger and your tail...
Hallowmas Oct 29-31 {http://www.stainedproductions.com/hallowmas/}
{http://www.interlog.com/~siobhan} siobhan@interlog.com
       Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen 
              decide to do it.~Andrew Young
====================================================================

From: Susan Davis 

Elise Matthesen wrote:
> 
> You see, everybody I'm involved with knows all about who else 
> I'm involved with, and, well, I'm afraid I'm so used to full 
> disclosure that I would slip

ObPolyMyths: All poly people always do full disclosure.

-- 
                     Susan Davis 
 Secant Technologies * 4853 Galaxy Pkwy, Ste. S * Cleveland, OH 44128

       "Ahh, love.  Gotta love it (or puke trying)."  -- Serene
====================================================================

From: aahz@netcom.com (Aahz Maruch)

RJ-   wrote:
>
>I was inspired to write this by fairest one's posting about the
>salon magazine article.  Feel free to add to it. :)
>
>Poly people are never, ever jealous.
>Poly people have (choose one) better/more/weirder/all-of-the-above
>sex.
>Poly people are all bisexual.
>Poly people communicate better than our monogamous brothers and
>sisters.
>Poly people must be more outgoing than everyone else.

Poly people are just in it for the sex.
Polyamory has nothing to do with sex.  (Who says myths are coherent?)
Poly people never cheat.
--
                      --- Aahz (@netcom.com)

Androgynous poly kinky vanilla queer het    <*>      http://www.rahul.net/aahz/
Hugs and backrubs -- I break Rule 6  (if you want to know, do some research)
====================================================================

From: D. Potter

Poly people have weird relationships with parrots.
Poly people within a relationship are telepathic.
Poly people can start up a stable household just like *that*.

By the way, I have this antique bridge for sale...


-- D. Potter                                 "...perhaps...because nobody's
telling me that Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle means I have to refrain from
having sex outside of marriage." --Avram Grumer--                              
====================================================================

From: JennieD-O'C

Poly people are all into kinky sex/BDSM.
Poly people all have group sex.
Poly people are all promiscuous.
You have to have internet access to be truly poly (okay, maybe I buy into
this one a little bit ;-).

---
Jennie D-O'C 
"I took the path of most resistance; it helped me find my way"
                 -- Captain Tractor, from the CD "Celebrity Traffic Jam"
                    in stores across Canada June 25th!  Check it out!
====================================================================

From: stef@baygate.bayarea.net (Stef Maruch)

* If you are jealous, you *CAN'T* be poly. 

* There is a secret magic spell that will convince your spouse to try
poly. 

* There is a secret key that will gain you access to the Land of
Bisexual Women Who Want to Make a Family With You and Your Spouse.

* Poly folks all have byzantine sleeping schedules posted on the
refrigerator.

* Poly folks are all into SF Fandom, SCA, and RenFaire.

And the all time favorite:

* Poly folks are More Evolved.

-- 
Stef  **  rational/scientific/philosophical/mystical/magical/kitty  **
      **  stef@cat-and-dragon.com <*> http://www.cat-and-dragon.com/~stef  **
          - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
"Question authority!"
"Why?"
====================================================================

From: John Clark 

Aahz Maruch schrieb:

> Poly people are just in it for the sex.

Myth from the castigators point of view...

>
> Polyamory has nothing to do with sex.  (Who says myths are coherent?)

Myth from the poly apologist's point of view...

>
> Poly people never cheat.

There's that 'radical honesty' myth as well..

Or heck,

'poly is never having to say you're sorry'...
====================================================================

From: ryk@cgocable.net (Ryk)

On 17 Jul 1999 18:34:54 GMT, stef@baygate.bayarea.net (Stef Maruch)
wrote:

>* If you are jealous, you *CAN'T* be poly. 

of course that's a myth, because

Deep down *everybody* is poly and bi, but evil social conditioning has
put them in denial.

>* There is a secret magic spell that will convince your spouse to try
>poly. 

There is! Make sure that your spouse is aware of the existence of
poly. Wait for hir to fall madly in love with somebody else. Be
supportive and loving and accepting during the process. (Step two can
sometimes take a very long time ;-) )

>* There is a secret key that will gain you access to the Land of
>Bisexual Women Who Want to Make a Family With You and Your Spouse.

but the only way to find it is to stumble on it while you are getting
on with your everyday life. "Looking" will make it harder to find.
Oooommmm....

>* Poly folks all have byzantine sleeping schedules posted on the
>refrigerator.

and they follow them religiously. We have a table setting/clearing
schedule posted on our refrigerator.

>* Poly folks are all into SF Fandom, SCA, and RenFaire.

And every successful poly family includes at least two computer geeks.

>* Poly folks are More Evolved.

than pond scum? ;-)


Poly is a new, alternative lifestyle concept that has never been tried
before.
Ryk
====================================================================

From: "Jim" 

Ryk  wrote: 
>
> And every successful poly family includes at least two computer geeks.

Most successful, truly poly-types have a computer network in their
house. Out of them, the poly-activists have a dedicated 24x7 internet
connection. Those who are *really* into it have a T1 line!
====================================================================

From: "Jim" 

Lest we forget:

Poly people are pagans and *never* go to church.
Poly people can't have long term relationships because they suffer from ADD.
Poly people are left-over free-love hippies from the 60's
Once a poly, always a poly.
Polys and monos don't mix.
A poly world would be a horrible thing.
All gay/lez/bi people are poly people, they just don't know it.
All poly people are gay/lez/bi, they just don't know it.
Poly men are promiscuous womenizers.
Poly women are promiscuous sluts.

And my personal favorite:
Poly people take more than their fair share of love/sex/all the above, leaving
monos with less.
====================================================================

From: JennieD-O'C

Jim  wrote:

>Poly people take more than their fair share of love/sex/all the above,
>leaving monos with less.

I actually didn't hear this one for the first time until last year,
believe it or not.  An acquaintance of mine who's rather bitter about
being single quipped that she now knows why she's been single for so long
-- I've taken TWO of the available men.  I tried to explain to her that
the beauty of many types of polyamory is that they're still "available"
even after they're "taken", but I don't think she got it.

---
Jennie D-O'C 
"I took the path of most resistance; it helped me find my way"
                 -- Captain Tractor, from the CD "Celebrity Traffic Jam"
                    in stores across Canada June 25th!  Check it out!
====================================================================

From: ryk@cgocable.net (Ryk)

JennieD-O'C wrote:

>Jim  wrote:
>
>>Poly people take more than their fair share of love/sex/all the above,
>>leaving monos with less.
>
>I actually didn't hear this one for the first time until last year,
>believe it or not.  An acquaintance of mine who's rather bitter about
>being single quipped that she now knows why she's been single for so long
>-- I've taken TWO of the available men.  I tried to explain to her that
>the beauty of many types of polyamory is that they're still "available"
>even after they're "taken", but I don't think she got it.

Not to mention that I've taken TWO of the available women, so things
tend to even out..... even if we're not currently "available".

I wonder if the fact that she didn't get it is in any way related to
her persistent but unwanted singleness?

Ryk
====================================================================

From: RJ- 

More to toss in:

Poly people don't need to verbalize their needs because they are all
telepathic.
Poly people all prioritize their relationships the exact, same way.
Poly people....

Um, poly people need sleep.

At least this one does.

RJ
====================================================================

From: louise@cyberus.ca (Louise)

RJ-  wrote:

>I was inspired to write this by fairest one's posting about the
>salon magazine article.  Feel free to add to it. :)
>
>Poly people are never, ever jealous.

Real poly people don't have rules.  

Poly people all live in big old houses with cats.

Poly people are naturists.

Poly people all find partners by placing personal ads.

>Poly people have (choose one) better/more/weirder/all-of-the-above
>sex.
>Poly people are all bisexual.

All people are bisexual.

>Poly people communicate better than our monogamous brothers and
>sisters.
>Poly people must be more outgoing than everyone else.

Poly people all like any books that have non-monogamous relationships
in them, and admire the political beliefs attributed to their authors.

Louise
====================================================================

From: bearpaw@world.std.com (bearpaw)

ryk@cgocable.net (Ryk) writes:
> ...
>Poly is a new, alternative lifestyle concept that has never been tried
>before.

... and Will Make the World a Better Place.

The only Real Poly Relationships are (NoRules/NonHierarchical
/Hierarchical/Triads/Quads/PerfectlySymmetric/Open/Closed/...).

Being Poly is an inherent part of who someone is.

Being Poly is not an inherent part of who someone is.

Poly is the same thing as Swinging.

Poly is a subset of Swinging.

Swinging is a subset of Poly.

Poly and Swinging are totally unrelated things.

Bearpaw

-- 
~~~~~~~~~~~ bearpaw@aq.org ~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human 
intelligence long enough to get money from it."  
- Stephen Butler Leacock
====================================================================

From: "J. Rhett Aultman" 

siobhan wrote:

>    People who are poly are automatically more open-minded about other
> forms of "alternative" sexuality or life choices.

How about:

All poly people are poticially liberal.
All poly people are activists.
All poly people are gender feminists.
All poly people are eco-minded.
All poly people support the LGB community.
All poly people are Pagan.

Cuplan.

			*thewormisthespice*
			*thespice_mustflow*
====================================================================

From: RJ- 

J. Rhett Aultman wrote:

}How about:
}
}All poly people are poticially liberal.
}All poly people are activists.
}All poly people are gender feminists.
}All poly people are eco-minded.
}All poly people support the LGB community.
}All poly people are Pagan.

All poly people are libertarians.
All poly people are social liberals.

Just to put in equal time for other myths. :)

RJ
====================================================================

From: elissaann@aol.com (ElissaAnn)

Poly people would become mono if only they met the "right person".

(If I had $1 for every time I've heard that one...)

Some of my closest friends still don't get it.  I was talking to one of them
about one of my sweeties, a man she has met and likes, and she said, "So you're
over him now, aren't you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're not waiting for him any more?"

"Waiting for what?"

"Waiting for him to leave his wife."



Elissa
====================================================================

From: bearpaw@world.std.com (bearpaw)

Carla  writes:
>Poly people all want to live in communes and raise children together.
>Poly people practice tantric sex.
>Poly people are all white.

Poly people are all straight, except for the occasional bi female.

Poly people are all either men or women.

Poly is a USAmerican thing.

Poly is a GenX thing.

Poly people all like to cuddle with anybody.

Bearpaw

-- 
~~~~~~~~~~~ bearpaw@aq.org ~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human 
intelligence long enough to get money from it."  
- Stephen Butler Leacock
====================================================================

From: "Jim" 

Elise Matthesen  wrote: 
> Rivka wrote:
>
> > A poly person will help you cheat on your partner, or at least will be
> > sympathetic to your desire to cheat on your partner.
>
> AIIIEEE!  YES, that's exactly the myth that most Drives. Me. Up. A.
> Friggin'. Tree.

A poly person will divorce their spouse and marry you after realizing they are
in love with you and you'll both live happily ever after.
====================================================================

From: "Angi Long" 

Dunno if this one has been mentioned yet...

All poly people/relationships are primary/secondary.

  -- Angi Long of House Windstalker
====================================================================

From: Susan Davis 

Angi Long wrote:
> 
> Dunno if this one has been mentioned yet...
> 
> All poly people/relationships are primary/secondary.

All poly people/relationships are non-hierarchical.

Poly people are never controlling or manipulative toward their 
partners.

-- 
                     Susan Davis 
 Secant Technologies * 4853 Galaxy Pkwy, Ste. S * Cleveland, OH 44128

       "Ahh, love.  Gotta love it (or puke trying)."  -- Serene
====================================================================

From: umar@world.std.com (Rob)

Polyamory is just a euphemism for promiscuity.

Poly people have no morals, so they are necessarily unfit to raise
children.

Polyamory is just [youthful exuberance][midlife crisis], an
adventurous interlude in an otherwise monogamous life.

umar
====================================================================

From: JennieD-O'C

Rob  wrote:

>Poly people have no morals, so they are necessarily unfit to raise
>children.

Ooh!  Ooh!  I can't believe I forgot about the converse to this one, which
I've heard many times:

Poly people are all poly because a poly family is the best environment in
which to raise children.

---
Jennie D-O'C 
====================================================================

From: Becca Stallings 

Jim wrote:
>Poly people take more than their fair share of love/sex/all the 
>above, leaving monos with less.
	I heard a slightly different slant on this one a few weeks ago:  En
route to a con, two friends were discussing whether long-distance
friends, whom we were going to see, had started a poly relationship with
the person described on their Website as their housemate.  They seemed
disgruntled by the idea, and I asked why.  They (both straight males)
said something like, "There aren't many wonderful women around, so it's
not fair for [male in the triad] to get two of them!"  [...]

		---'Becca
====================================================================

From: "Angi Long" 

I actually had somebody on a poly mailing list tell me not too long
ago that *everybody* really just wants to be sole primary to one
person, no matter what other relationships they also want to have.

Of course this was also a person who consistently insists that
polyamory really is all about sex.

  -- Angi Long of House Windstalker
====================================================================

From: "E*Borg Someday We'll All Assimilate This Way" 

"Envoy"  wrote:
>
>All Poly People are interested in only being part of closed groups,
>and really just want to raise a family.

Similarly:  All poly people are shiftless emotional drifters using an ersatz 
philosophy to avoid settling down and raising a family.

--E*Borg